…happily astounded.
When a man says the word “fiance” people often assume that the other side to that pair is female. Recently, with a new job, a new apartment, new furniture, and a new fiance, I have been using this word a lot. In conversations at work, new co-workers are engaging me in small talk, and I find myself talking about my fiance a lot. Leasing agents kept asking how my fiance and I were going to decide who slept in what room of our two-bedroom apartment. We key responding that it was not an issue. Movers asked who would be meeting them in the new apartment and I answered, “My fiance.” I have also been telling friends (and some people apparently learned from here…again, I am really sorry about that!). Needless to say I have been in a lot of situations where assumptions can be made about who my fiance is.
Pleasantly, people have not been overtly shocked, disgussted, or phased by the fact that my fiance is a man. The mover (a huge, Hulk-of-a-man) barely missed a beat when I told him that my fiance Bill would be at the new apartment to meet the truck. My new co-workers smile and ask how long he and I have been together. The leasing agent…well…she figured it out eventually. These assumptions can get some people angry and upset. To me, they are a part of our societies norms. The leasing agent asked that question because if she assumed we were gay but we were really two straight men looking at apartments she may have offended us. Am I saying that I am fine with the fact that people think being gay is offensive? No! What I am saying is that sometimes we need to stop and think about people’s goals. The leasing agent was selling us an apartment. She was not trying to make social change. There are ways to change these norms in our daily lives, but we need to pick and choose our battles.
I never want this post to get hot and serious. All in all, life has been great recently. One month, May 2009, encompassed a new job, a move from on-campus living to a great apartment, a new fiance (he is not new but the engagement is!), and a new chapter in my life. I wanted to share some of that joy with you all. Have a great day. Thanks for reading.
June 8, 2009 at 11:58 am
Do I need to start demanding to be sourced?
It was I who pointed out that if we were straight and the leasing agent assumed we were gay, we were more likely to be offended, then if we were gay and she assumed we were straight.
Neither which speaks to HER beliefs, but what she assumes that other will/do believe. I think the latter will take longer to change, especially in “sales” type people as they can’t afford to offend people.
June 19, 2009 at 9:58 am
I agree that assumptions often come from social “norms” I can’t even tell you how many times people have assumed I was my nephew’s mother simply because I was an age appropriate female.
I actually think that roommates are the least “normal” living situation. I really don’t think people were meant to live together if they were not family (including couples of all orientations). Living together is difficult enough when you love someone and are “stuck” (and i use that term lovingly) with someone. If you’re just sharing space and splitting rent what is to keep you from killing each other?
Enjoy your engagement! To be honest, it was one of the hardest times for our relationship…. and really, marriage was a relief